Radio Plays: Capital Radio (1976-1980)

Between 1976 and 1980 Kenny Everett created 12 different Captain Kremmen stories for Capital Radio, totalling in excess of 100 individual episodes.

Transcriptions of the plays are available.

Along with writing and recording all episodes, Everett also voiced every character on the show, with just a handful of guests including Alan Freeman, Tommy Vance, Vincent Price, and Timothy Spall.

Although all the Kremmen stories were written during this time, sometimes new introductions and outros were created for later 1980's radio edits, broadcast on both Capital and BBC Radio.

It's difficult to track down audio recordings for the original broadcasts and it's possible to encounter two versions of the same story without any indication of the broadcast dates. The following episode listings are taken from a collection on archive.org, which seems to be the most complete collection.

NOTE: series titles, broadcast dates, episode names, counts, and durations maybe not be accurate.

Captain Kremmen and the Krells

Broadcast: 1976
Episodes: 9
Summary: Earth's cities face threats from a monstrous blob connected to the Krells. Undercover, Kremmen learns the Krells plan to attack Earth, forcing him to grapple with his loyalty and struggle against their invasion plans.
Info: used as the story for the book of the same name, published in 1977.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Captain Kremmen Speaks (2:26)
Twilight of the Krells (2:44)
Peril of the Stomach Ray (3:23)
Valley of Warts (3:01)
The Zorl Factor (2:18)
The Alley Factor (3:12)
The Black Hole (3:15)
Ray of Death (2:48)
Blech (4:21)

Listen on archive.org.

Captain Kremmen and Queen Iris

Broadcast: 1976
Episodes: 10
Summary: Captain Kremmen and his crew are navigating through dangerous cosmic territories aboard the spaceship Troll One when they encounter a mysterious giant eyeball, which turns out to be a spacecraft belonging to the Krells, ruled by Queen Iris. Soon Kremmen faces capture and potential torture, as the Krells seek revenge for a past confrontation.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Into the Eye (3:25)
Beneath the Surface (3:34)
Canyons of Yeech (3:34)
Return of the Krells (3:42)
Hell's Krells (3:28)
The end of the line (4:04)
Arhghughah! (3:25)
Episode 8 (3:59)
A Ray of Hope (3:51)
Episode 10 (5:36)

Listen on archive.org.

Captain Kremmen and the Goo

Broadcast: sometime between 1976-1977
Episodes: 15
Summary: Captain Kremmen, Carla, and Doc, venture to Planet X, where they find the planet full of gooey oil. Exciting? Well, this is a thin plot with thin jokes!
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (1:15)
Episode 2 (1:25)
Episode 3 (1:35)
Episode 4 (1:08)
Episode 5 (1:29)
Episode 6 (1:23)
Episode 7 (1:19)
Episode 8 (1:17)
Episode 9 (1:25)
Episode 10 (1:12)
Episode 11 (1:41)
Episode 12 (0:56)
Episode 13 (1:25)
Episode 14 (1:33)
Episode 15 (1:17)

Listen on archive.org.

The Adventures of Captain Kremmen

Broadcast: sometime between 1976-1977
Episodes: 25
Summary: Captain Kremmen embarks on a mission to investigate a mysterious object observing Earth, but they are captured by the Thargoids, who aim to steal their brains for knowledge and threaten Earth with destruction.
Info: used as the story for Series 1 of The Kenny Everett Video Show.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

There's Something Up There (4:56)
Inside the Thing (4:21)
Trust Me, I'm a Doctor (4:57)
Crashing at the Thargoids' (4:40)
The Pain of Strain Falls Mainly on the Brain (4:58)
There's No Place Like Dome (4:59)
Throbbing Into Action (4:52)
One Whiff Equals Instant Death (4:56)
Sensational Solution (4:24)
Something Vibrating (4:59)
Kremmen Kneels for No-One (4:56)
Summoning Up a Whopper (4:58)
Carla Pulls a Master Stroke (4:56)
Carla's Doobrie Brings Relief (3:31)
The President Unleashes an Awesome Weapon (4:56)
Carla Awaits the End (4:51)
Penetration Imminent (4:56)
Have Weapon, Will Wreak Havoc (4:29)
Something Nasty in the Throne Room (4:14)
Firing Blanks? It's Not the End of the World (4:57)
Back to Home Base for Decoration (4:57)
A Hero's Welcome... An Alien's Threat (4:57)
Gort: The Ugly Truth (4:58)
Gort Uncaught (4:57)
A Sticky End (4:58)

Listen on archive.org.

The Krells and the Macronites

Broadcast: probably 1977
Episodes: 5
Summary: The Macronites plan to attack their mortal enemies, the Krells, which could devastate the universe. Captain Kremmen and his crew set out to Krell to mediate peace. Kremmen is captured by the Krells, who insert a bomb into his chest, with the intention of destroying the Macronites during a peace meeting on the Macro home world.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (4:42)
Episode 2 (3:30)
Episode 3 (3:19)
Episode 4 (2:54)
Episode 5 (6:38)

Listen on archive.org.

The Sun Suckers

Broadcast: probably 1977
Episodes: 9
Summary: Captain Kremmen is summoned to the Star Corps headquarters to discuss a crisis involving the sun, which is being sucked dry by aliens. After landing on the aliens icy planet they discover that the inhabitants are in dire need of heat as their own star has burned to a cinder.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (2:51)
Episode 2 (2:08)
Episode 3 (2:12)
Episode 4 (2:28)
Episode 5 (3:53)
Episode 6 (3:07)
Episode 7 (4:05)
Episode 8 (3:51)
Episode 9 (4:31)

Listen on archive.org.

Banana Drama

Broadcast: sometime between 1977-1978
Episodes: 7
Summary: The crew of Troll One encounter a gigantic asteroid heading towards Earth and soon discover giant vegetables causing chaos worldwide. Kremmen devises a plan to use Carla as bait to attract the banana. After evacuating New York City, Carla stands on Brooklyn Bridge, awaiting the giant fruit.
Info: used as the story for Series 2 of The Kenny Everett Video Show.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (2:40)
Episode 2 (3:34)
Episode 3 (3:02)
Episode 4 (2:40)
Episode 5 (3:34)
Episode 6 (2:45)
Episode 7 (3:24)

Listen on archive.org.

Double Trouble

Broadcast: 1978
Episodes: 9
Summary: The commissioner has made the decision to create a doppelgänger of Kremmen to help maintain peace in the universe. But an error occurs during activation leading the double to go rogue - it steals Kremmen's ship and a frantic chase ensues.
Info: used as the story for Series 3 of The Kenny Everett Video Show.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (3:36)
Episode 2 (4:17)
Episode 3 (2:55)
Episode 4 (4:52)
Episode 5 (4:28)
Episode 6 (2:55)
Episode 7 (4:35)
Episode 8 (3:02)
Episode 9 (4:52)

Listen on archive.org.

The Oil Planet

Broadcast: sometime between 1978-1980
Episodes: 8
Summary: Captain Kremmen and his crew land on the small Planet X, which is covered in slime. They encounter a group of ugly aliens seeking to trade oil from their planet in exchange for human "wenches." Kremmen attempts to negotiate but faces a dilemma when Carla is targeted for breeding.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (3:11)
Episode 2 (5:49)
Episode 3 (4:31)
Episode 4 (2:55)
Episode 5 (2:57)
Episode 6 (3:59)
Episode 7 (3:12)
Episode 8 (2:41)

Listen on archive.org.

The Prison Ship

Broadcast: sometime between 1978-1980
Episodes: 8+
Summary: As Kremmen and his crew venture into an uncharted area of space they discover a mysterious gray ship that appears to be a prison vessel. Kremmen decides to face the potential threat rather than avoiding it.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (3:23)
Episode 2 (3:15)
Episode 3 (3:37)
Episode 4 (3:40)
Episode 5 (3:21)
Episode 6 (3:17)
Episode 7 (4:09)

NOTE: the available audio of this series ends with episode 7, but the story is not finished, so there must be more episodes.

Listen on archive.org.

Kremmen and the Gremmets

Broadcast: probably 1980
Episodes: 3
Summary: Captain Kremmen and his crew are exploring uncharted territory when the captain is struck by an illness and experiences hallucinations, including a grotesque creature called a Gremmet from planet Alda, who warns them that they are in grave danger.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (2:50)
Terror of the Gremmets (4:07)
Kremmen to the Rescue (?:??)

Listen on archive.org.

The Greatest Adventure Yet From Captain Kremmen

Broadcast: 1980-09-06
Episodes: 7
Summary: Captain Kremmen and the crew encounter strange occurrences, including an unsettling blob-like object in space. They decide to confront the blob only to find themselves captured by the blob's true form, Gort, king of the Thargoids.
Info: this story was used for the The Greatest Adventure Yet From Captain Kremmen (1980) vinyl LP. As Everett left Capital Radio in October 1980, this was likely his last Kremmen series.
Transcript: Read the transcription.

Episode 1 (?:??)
Episode 2 (6:05)
Episode 3 (?:??)
Episode 4 (7:39)
Episode 5 (5:38)
Episode 6 (?:??)
Episode 7 (5:05)

Listen on archive.org.