Series #8 Transcript: Double Trouble

And now it's listen to attention time.

Kremmen Of the Star Corps.

Hi kids. You remember last time, nothing happened, because we haven't started yet, but this week at the headquarters of Star Corps things were really humming.

[HUMMING]

Hey that was great guys!

Well commissioner are you enjoying my celebration party?

Yes Kremmen and the world is really grateful that you managed to conquer the giant banana.

Ah just part of my all round wonderfulness sir.

Captain.

Yes Carla?

I've brung you another drink.

What is it?

I don't know what it's made of but it says, Lift-Off on a bottle.

Here, let me taste it...

Mm-hmm, needs something to spice it up a bit.

Here I'll go put some TNT in it.

Kremmen.

Yes sir?

You're pretty busy these days aren't you?

Oh yes sir, what with the book and the LP and the forthcoming television cartoon series...

No, no, no, I mean out in space.

Oh you know me sir, wherever there's a black hole needs filling in, there I am. Or if liberty is threatened, there I am. Wherever danger lurks, there I am. Whenever a race of beings are being bullied by baddies, there I am.

Yes right nosey parker aren't you Kremmen?

You could say that sir.

I just did. The point is this Kremmen.

The commissioner went on to tell me that even though I'd saved the world lots of times in the past, things were getting too hot now even for me.

So we've come to the conclusion that the only way to maintain peace and order in the universe is to build another one of you.

Good idea sir.

Our boys are putting your double together in the labs right now. Gitfinger's in charge.

Gee sir let's go and watch. Come on Carla let's go.

My Spronzy Mk VII bit the dust and high tailed it over to the lab.

Ah, hello captain.

As we entered a full operation was in progress - arms and legs everywhere.

We are just putting on the finishing touches.

Amazing, it looks just like me.

We have programmed this model with all the best features taken from the best developed people in the world.

How do you mean doc?

Well, we have given this copy of you, the brains of an Einstein.

Yeah.

With Mozart's fingers.

That's terrific.

Wow.

Also, we sent to the USA for the plans of Charlton Heston's arms, Muhammad Ali's legs, and Schwarzenegger's chest.

Good thinking Gitfinger.

Yeah

In fact, everything is assembled now except for the package containing the Errol Flynn component, which the GPO refused to handle.

You mean you can't send moustaches through the mail?

Don't worry, it'll be here Tuesday 12 o'clock, on the nose.

You've just suffered through a disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

Tune in next time when the operation hits a snag and things get out of hand in episode 2: Double Trouble.

And now it's listen to attention time.

Kremmen of the Star Corps.

And now part 2 of Double Trouble starring Matt Emulsion and Analogue with special guests, Aga Memnon and Gerry Atric.

Hi kids. You remember last time the boss of Star Corps confronted me with an ego shattering statement.

We've come to the conclusion that the only way to maintain peace and order in the universe is to build another one of you.

Good idea sir.

Our boys are putting your double together in the labs right now. Gitfinger's in charge.

Gee sir let's go and watch. Come on Carla let's go.

My Spronzy Mk VII bit the dust and high tailed it over to the lab.

Ah hello captain.

As we entered, a full operation was in progress - arms and legs everywhere.

We are just putting on the finishing touches.

Amazing, it looks just like me.

We have programmed this model with all the best features taken from the best developed people in the world.

What do you mean doc?

Well, we have given this copy of you, the brains of an Einstein

Yeah

With Mozart's fingers.

That's terrific.

Wow?

Also, we sent to the USA for the plans of Charlton Heston's arms, Muhammad Ali's legs and Schwarzenegger's chest.

Good thinking Gitfinger.

Yeah

In fact, everything is assembled now except for the package containing the Errol Flynn component, which the GPO refused to handle.

You mean you can't send moustaches through the mail?

Don't worry, it'll be here Tuesday 12 o'clock, on the nose.

Gee, just think of it Carla, another me.

Hmm, with a brain just like yours too, crammed with all sorts of genius and technical goodies.

What you mean? Stuff like, light travels from the sun at a 186,000 miles a second?

Well so it should it's downhill all the way.

I gazed down at my bionic double, that face, so handsome, I hadn't seen anything that handsome since I shaved this morning.

Where'd you get the eyebrows doc?

Well, for the eyebrows, we took the hair from the hind leg of a cocker spaniel.

Really?

Hmm

Oh!

It works fine, except every time he passes a tree, he looks surprised.

Well I feel sorry for him already.

Why is that Carla?

Well he won't have me to look after him like you have.

Well, he'll find somebody, I mean, I had to search around for ages before I found the right girl. Remember the one before you?

Yeah, when I first met her I couldn't help noticing she had one tooth in the middle of her mouth. It was two and a half inches long. I thought it was a cigarette and tried to light it.

Yeah, mind you watching her eat spaghetti was a joy.

Yeah?

She'd stick her tooth in the middle of the spaghetti and spin the plate.

Suddenly it was moment of truth time. Doctor Gitfinger raised a lever, pulled a switch, pressed a button, and cocked a snook.

Wait a minute.

What's up doc?

That should not have happened.

What?

What?

What?

30,000 volt shock directly through the brain.

Oh my goodness.

Mm-hmm, I must have pressed the wrong button.

Any damage?

We'll soon find out, I'm going to start him up now.

Good.

Here goes.

Hey Captain look he's starting to twitch.

Doc?

Yes, what's the matter?

Why is he leering like that?

Oh dear, I put the mouth on upside down here, I'll just rearrange that. There.

Look captain.

What?

He's trying to speak.

Oh golly what's gone wrong? Has the Doc's 30,000 volt shock damaged Kremmen's brain? Well, you'll have to wait till next time because here comes the guy that says:

You've just suffered through a disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

And now it's listen to attention time.

Hi kids. You remember last time in the operating theatre, doctor Gitfinger was putting the finishing touches to my double.

There, he's finished.

The doc pressed a switch, and suddenly.

What was that?

Oh dear?

I think I must have pressed the wrong button.

But what have you done doc?

I just put 40,000 volts through his brain.

My double suddenly gave a lurch.

Oh look, he's coming alive.

Oh! Golly, I feel like I just got 40,000 volts through my brain.

Don't worry, you're in good hands.

Who are you?

I'm Kremmen of Star Corps.

So am I.

That's true.

Isn't this gonna confuse the listeners?

Don't worry, people who listen to this are mad anyway.

Kremmen.

Yes commissioner?

I want you to come to my office.

Okay sir. Come on Carla.

Okay.

When you're gone, I'll fill in the new model on the current state of the universe.

Good idea Gitfinger.

Welcome to Star Corps Kremmen Mk II. You'll be a great help to us.

I'll try sir.

You're very quiet Kremmen.

Just padding out the serial sir.

Ah.

We took the lift to the 435th floor.

Come in and have a drink Kremmen.

Oh thank you sir.

And put your feet up on the mantelpiece.

Okay I'll just unscrew them.

No, no, no, I mean, I mean. Ah. I keep forgetting you're bionic. I mean relax.

Well I'll try sir, but I just can't seem to relax when I know there's another one of me walking around.

You know Kremmen, I was looking at your file the other day.

Oh you found it, thank heavens, my nails are in a terrible state.

Excuse me. Hello? What? I'll be right down.

What's happened sir?

It's Gitfinger.

What about him?

Your double, he's, he's gone berserk, wrecked the whole lab, and here's the bit.

What?

He's made off with the keys to your ship.

Do you realise what this means sir?

Yes I do, but better say it anyway for the listeners.

Okay, this means there's a maniac on the loose that looks exactly like me with my brains.

The commissioner disappeared into a mound of Valium.

What you gonna do captain?

I'm gonna do what I always do when something desperate and untoward happens.

What's that?

I'm gonna leave it till next time.

You've just suffered through disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

Kremmen?

Yes sir?

Take your hands out of your pockets.

Oh sorry sir.

You look silly with nothing on the end of your arms.

As I screwed them back on the telephone rang.

Excuse me. Hello? What? I'll be right down.

What's happened sir?

It's Gitfinger.

What about him?

Your double, he's, he's gone berserk, wrecked the whole lab, and here's the bit.

What?

He's made off with the keys to your ship.

Oh, you realise what this means sir?

Yes but better say it anyway for the listeners.

Okay.

Listeners, you ready for this? This means that there's a maniac walking around who looks exactly like me and has my brains.

Hey captain.

What?

Look here out the window, rushing across the tarmac towards the ship.

It's my double, and the guards are letting him through. They think it's me.

Hi captain.

Hi captain.

Hi men, let me through, this is an emergency.

Okay. Open the doors.

Always in a hurry, that guy.

Yeah. Hey look up there waving at the window.

Eh?

Up there, look.

Oh yeah, it's captain Kremmen's double.

Yeah.

Hey, it really looks like him doesn't it?

Hmm, except for the squinty eyes and a crooked nose.

Yeah, and a mealy mouth and a weak chin.

Meanwhile back in the commissioner's office.

You got to do something Kremmen.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Here, calm down doc.

Oh captain, I-I tried to stop him, but he-he wrenched himself from my grasp and-and ran and left me reeling.

Really?

Yes really.

Hey captain look, he's taken off in your ship.

Never mind, he won't get far driving that thing.

Oh why not?

He hasn't got the knack.

Oh yes he has, I fitted them myself this morning.

This is madness, I'm gonna try and talk some sense into it.

I pressed some buttons and connected myself to the bridge of my ship.

Hello, hello, Kremmen to Kremmen, come in Kremmen.

Hello, Kremmen here.

Are you insane?

Yes.

Oh.

And if you wanna stop me, you'll have to kill me.

Huh.

But you won't be able to do that.

Why?

Because I'm just as clever as you are, in fact, I'm cleverer.

What do you mean?

Listen Kremmen, I'm fitted with all the latest integrated circuitry and Digital Micronics. Compared to me, your brain's so small, if it exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair.

Come on captain, let's go after him.

But he's taken my ship.

Isn't there anything in the hangar?

Yes, there's a triple thrusted Vectromat with overhead underhangs.

Is there enough room in it for the three of us?

Yes, I think there is.

Because I'll need your expertise doc, and I'll need Carla, of course.

I wouldn't have dreamt of going without Carla. Of all my bosom pals, she was the bosomiest. She always seemed to be nearer to me than I was to her.

Come on there's no time to lose.

We ran towards hangar number 7, where all the old spare ships were kept.

Oh, by the way captain.

What?

Did I tell you, I got a letter from my sister, you know the one in the circus with the trampoline acts?

Really?

She's just giving birth to a bouncing baby boy.

Oh, that's terrible.

The giant door swang open and we leapt in.

Gee Doc.

Mm-hmm.

I guess all the newer rockets are out on patrol zapping about in space.

Yeah.

These ships look awful old.

Yeah look at that one over there, it's got an outside toilet.

There's one that doesn't look too bad.

It wasn't a bad old tub, really. It was a fuel injection zip thrusted fabomet with swing back contraflow and a laser assisted wick.

Carla and the dock climbed aboard while I put its rockets into milk bottles.

Are we all set?

Yeah.

Okay, let's go.

I jumped into my seat and strapped myself in.

Gee, this is the only ship I've ever seen with wicker seats.

This must be the one that was designed by Gerry Atric, the Irish rocket expert.

Really? Oh well, I better count down in Irish then.

10, 9, 6, 4, 7, 2, 5, 0.

Join our heroes next time friends, and hear Captain Kremmen say:

Uh, Carla quick.

What?

Come and look at this horrible monster on the screen.

It's not a screen captain it's the mirror.

Oh...

And now it's listen to attention time.

Kremmen of the Star Corps.

This week starring Terry Dactyl, Al Gebra, and Auntie Histamine. Here's Kremmen.

Thank you, thank you, thank you friends, thank you. Hi kids, Mr Hyper fab here. You remember last time doctor Gitfinger Carla, and I set off to catch my bionic double who'd gone berserk, stolen my ship, and was off in space doing dirty deeds.

Come on, there's no time to lose.

We ran towards hangar number 7 where all the old spare ships were kept. The giant door swang open and we leapt in.

Gee Doc

Mm-hmm?

I guess all the newer rockets are out on patrol zapping about in space.

Yeah.

These ships look awful old.

Yeah look at that one over there, it's got an outside toilet.

There's one that doesn't look too bad.

It wasn't a bad old tub, really. It was a fuel injection zip thrusted fabomet with swing back contraflow and a laser assisted wick. Carla and the dock climbed aboard, while I put its rockets into milk bottles.

Are we all set?

Yeah.

Okay let's go.

I jumped into my seat and strapped myself in.

Gee this is the only ship I've ever seen with wicker seats.

The ship roared off into the blue evening sky, rockets akimbo.

Well yet another ride into its unknown captain.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm, I just can't help feeling we've forgotten something you know.

Oh, something like what oh heavily endowed buddy?

Well I don't know, I-I remember the space tan lotion and the anti galaxy sickness pills.

Hmm, well, did you remember the traveller's cheques?

Sure did.

Well, then we have everything we need.

Captain.

What?

I just realised what's missing.

What is?

We came without the crew.

Uh! You're right! Every spaceship needs a crew.

Thank heavens I brought this.

She rummaged around in her space bag.

Uh, here we are.

Thanks, what is it?

Dehydrated instant crew? Just add water. Okay?

Gee I hope this works Carla.

Mm-hmm, so do I.

As we watched, suddenly it began. Out of the tin came a first mate, engineer, navigator, and sundry assorted personnel.

Oh. Golly, it's hell in that tin.

Hi men.

Hi Captain.

Go about your duties men.

Yeah, sure thing.

Gee Carla, thank heavens you remembered the instant crew.

Yeah, my memory is one of my good points.

She hitched up the other two and made off to the galley.

I'll just go fix us some vittles now.

Okay, I'll be down as soon as we catch up with my double.

Hours passed by as we zoomed through the inky blackness ... then more hours passed by ... and even more hours ... would this never end?

Doc, doc, wake up, look, up there on the screen.

What? What? What? Oh, meine wunder blatt! Gottes Himmel geschäftiges spritzen blumen dang.

Yes at last we've caught him up.

My spaceship was there on the screen as large as life, and in colour.

That is amazing captain.

What is?

That you caught up with the Troll One in this old crate? How did you do it?

I took a shortcut.

Take the controls, I'm gonna get Carla.

I leapt down to the galley where Carla was leaning over the hot plate looking like a relief map of the Himalayas.

Gasp! Gasp!

Hi, Hi Carla.

Hi Captain.

Why are you gasping?

Well, it says on this packet here, to open, tear around the edge.

You've just suffered through a disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

And now, we bring you the space serial that's won more hot dinners than awards.

Kremmen of the Star Corps.

This week starring Phil Anthropist, Ben D. Over, and Jim Nasium. Here's Kremmen.

Suddenly a message came through.

Hello, Gitfinger to Kremmen, Gitfinger to Kremmen, Gitfinger to Kremmen.

Hello Kremmen here.

We are alongside the Troll One captain.

Okay I'll be right up.

Sorry I'm late.

I have instigated docking procedures.

Wonderful, have you locked lasers?

Ja.

Have you switched on the Phron shield?

Mm-hmm.

Have you put the little wiggly bit inside the whatsit?

Yes.

Okay, come on, let's sally forth.

I put on my space walking gear, my silver Harrods helmet, and Gucci space boots. Carla dressed casual in a skimpy Bacofoil matching two piece.

Okay I'm ready.

We trumped into the airlock, our space boots clunking ominously.

We had a few seconds to spare, so I sang a few bars of my favourite song.

[MUSIC] Oh, I'm just wild about me...

The outer door opened.

Suddenly we were drifting across the short gap between ships.

Well, here we are in our space helmets again Carla, drifting across the inky blackness of space.

Yeah. Exciting, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Oh by the way did I tell you I'm having great success with my experiment?

What your plant life experiment?

Yeah. You know I've been trying to get plants to grow in the weightlessness of space.

So that's why I've been locked away in the lab for so long.

Hmm. Well first of all I gave clay a whirl, but then I found a much more successful method with peat.

Carla don't you think the crew have enough on their plate?

Suddenly we were there at the front door of my ship. I opened it up...and we went in.

Don't forget Carla, we're dealing with a rogue android, so be careful.

Okay, shall we set our lasers on stun?

No, this is serious, set them on cringing agony.

Okay. Hey there's the door to your quarters, he's bound to be in there.

Right. Where's the Valium Ray?

Here it is.

Thanks. Oh, that's better. Okay now, it's confrontation time.

I strode over to the door and with a mighty triple wristed Quarter Nelson dropkick, broke it down.

Well, what's going to happen next time? Don't fail to miss our next exciting episode. Kremmen of the Star Corps.

And now it's listen to attention time.

Kremmen of the Star Corps.

This week starring Tom Bowler, Tanya Hyde, and Lily Lifford.

And now here's Kremmen.

Thank you friends, thank you. Hi kids. Welcome to my show, every moment packed with action and every minute packed with seconds.

The outer door opened...and suddenly we were drifting across the short gap between ships.

Well here we are in our space helmets again Carla, drifting across the inky blackness of space.

Yeah, exciting isn't it?

Suddenly we were there at the front door of my ship. I opened it up...and we went in.

Don't forget Carla, we're dealing with a rogue Android, so be careful.

Okay, shall we set our lasers on stun?

No, this is serious, set them on cringing agony.

Okay. Hey there's the door to your quarters, he's bound to be in there.

Right. Where's the Valium Ray?

Here it is.

Thanks. Oh, that's better. Okay now, it's confrontation time.

I strode over to the door and with a mighty triple wristed Quarter Nelson drop-kick, broke it down.

Hey captain there's no one here.

What!

He's gone?

She was right, everything else was in its place. My full colour mirror, all my favourite photographs of me, and several other photographs of other people who liked me very much.

Hey look captain.

Mm-hmm.

A hastily scrawled space note here.

Here, give it here. What does it say? "I knew you'd come looking for me, so I high tailed it in a shuttle craft..." Uh! No!

What is it captain?

He's gone to join my old arch enemies: the Thargoids.

Little did I know that at that very moment, millions of miles away on Thargoidia, my double was in conference with Kron, king of all the Thargoids.

...so you see King Kron, I decided that instead of being another goody goody like Kremmen, I thought how much more exciting it would be to join forces with you. Oh, evil essence of all things putrid and stenchy.

Oh captain, such compliments. You say that the Earthlings have installed inside you, a brain so clever, that you can juggle soot.

Oh yes and not only that, I can calculate a four thousand digit row of numbers fifty columns wide whilst playing football on the head of a pin.

This is wonderful news. With my battle cruisers and your brain, it will be an easy matter to reduce planet Earth to a small brown stain. Ha ha ha. Oh by the way, what sort of reward do you want for your services?

Oh I don't want anything for myself Kron.

No?

Just misfortune for everyone else.

Ha ha ha.

Hey Carla, did you hear all that?

Yeah, I think we should call a meeting of the crew.

Tell you what, I'll call a meeting of the crew.

I called a meeting of the crew.

Okay crew, we're off to Thargoidia now. Anyone got an A-Z of the universe?

Yeah captain, I got one here.

Ah thanks. Well crew, this is our most dangerous and exacting assignment to date, etcetera.

We'd follow you anywhere captain.

Oh, why is that?

We ain't been paid you.

Yeah fine, er, tread boldly and man your positions men.

Well captain, we're going into the unknown again.

Uh-huh.

Who knows if we'll come out alive?

True.

Captain.

Mm-hmm.

Make love to me passionately.

Carla, to keeping my full peak of fitness, and in prime condition, my doctor told me to indulge in such things only on days with an R in them.

I know, I know.

By the way, what day is it?

Mondray.

You've just suffered through a disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

Kremmen of the Star Corps.

This week starring Betty Cash Voucher, Denny Great, Jack O'Randa, Perry Winkle, Sally Forth, and Basil and Bond. Here's Kremmen.

Thank you friends, thank you, thank you. Hi kids, I'm Kremmen. Monsters slain, worlds conquered, and baddies captured while you wait.

You remember last time, my bionic double ran off and joined the Thargoids in an attempt to conquer Earth. I followed in hot pursuit aboard my trusty spaceship.

Later on that night in my cabin, I just couldn't get to sleep. It wasn't the noise of the ship's engines. It wasn't the steady thud of meteorites on the ship's hull, and it wasn't the hum a ship's computers. It was Carla, asking me if I was asleep yet.

You asleep yet captain?

No Carla I am not asleep yet, and how can I be with you always asking me if I'm asleep yet?

Well someone's gotta check you're getting a good night's kip.

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

Oh golly, who is it?

Iva.

Iva who?

Iva some news for you.

Oh Luigi, come in.

Sorry to interrupt captain, but this news is just come in from Earth about the teleprinter.

Okay thanks.

Oh goody, news from home, what does it say?

Well most of the headlines are of course, devoted to my current exploit with photos of me in various award winning positions.

Oh look down there.

Where?

The Queen's awarded you another OBE.

An OBE?

Mm-hmm.

Oh drat, I was hoping for an HBE.

What's an HBE?

A hard boiled egg, I'm starving.

On the way to Thargoidia we can stop off at that nosh-a-teria on the moon.

No, I don't like it.

Why?

No atmosphere.

Oh never mind, I got some sandwiches here in my handbag.

Gee Carla that's a terrific handbag you got there.

Mm-hmm.

Do you know they use alligators to make handbags?

I know, isn't it amazing what they can teach animals to do?

Captain, captain, look look at this.

What is it doctor? Calm down.

We've just received a communicate from Thargoidia.

Mm-hmm.

Warning us that if we go any nearer.

Yeah.

They will move further away.

Oh.

I decided to go on with the mission anyway, because I realised that if I gave into this threat and sat there doing nothing, we'd have no serial next week.

You've just suffered through a disgusting episode of Kremmen of the Star Corps.

And now, it's listen to attention time.

Kremmen Of the Star Corps.

Now, by the liquid thrills of the valley of Nago the Mangled Croc, it's episode 423, starring Candy Bar, Dan D. Ruff, and Ed Shrinker.

Here's Kremmen.

Thank you, thank you friends, thank you. Hi kids. Remember last time when we whipped your brains to cream with gags like this?

Gee Carla, that's a terrific handbag you got there.

Mm-hmm.

Do you know they use alligators to make handbags?

I know, isn't it amazing what they can teach animals to do?

Captain, captain, look, look at this.

What is it doctor? Calm down.

We've just received a communique from Thargoidia.

Mm-hmm.

Warning us that if we go any nearer.

Yeah.

They will move further away.

Oh.

It was at that very moment I decided to end this series once and for all. I said the magic word, "Nymphomania", and suddenly Carla, the Doc, and I were in King Kron's royal palace on Thargoidia.

Listen Kron, enemy of Earth and all around nasty person. I not only demand that you abolish your plans to conquer Earth and stop throwing crisp packets all over the universe, but that you deliver my bionic double to me in chains, and that you desist forthwith from any aggressive action contrary to clause 4 subsection 6 of the interstellar space code - available from our majesty's stationery office - paragraph 2, page 10, line 5, in which you the undersigned, hereinafter referred to as baddie, will abide by rules set down by the aforementioned. Failure to comply or to state mitigating circumstances renders you liable to subsection 7 paragraph 1 clause 5 of said act pursuant to the provisions thereof.

Ah Kremmen it's you.

I strode boldly up to the throne and delivered a salvo.

Oh not another salvo I've got 3 already.

Suddenly I had a brainwave, which wasn't unusual, I was known for my wavy brains.

Hey Carla.

I was wondering when you were gonna bring me into this. Do you realise I've only had one line in this whole episode?

Never mind that, I've got a feeling Kron's gonna call his guards any minute.

Guards.

When they come in, do your attention attracting trick while I whip out my weapon.

Okay, here they come now.

Into the throne room came 50 space troopers who marched towards me menacingly.

Oh heavens.

Carla cried.

I seem to have ripped my dress, revealing a ripe pair of swelling, heaving bosoms. Oh lucky day, won't someone help me to put them back?

Seventeen guards were killed in the rush, the rest I polished off with a blast of laser fire.

As the baddies' bodies tumbled, in came my double.

Kron, I've just completed the atomic warheads on the...Uh...gasp...Kremmen it's you.

Yes it's me alright.

Doc.

Yeah captain?

I'll engage him in conversation, you go around the back and pull out his fuse.

Okay, good idea.

Ahem, listen here double.

What?

Why don't you give yourself up, and then we'll take you back to Earth, reverse the operation, and you'll be fine.

Never, I'm enjoying being a baddie, it's much more fun being a baddie. Isn't it boys and girls?

You'll never get away with this Kremmen...

Doc reached behind his shoulder blades, opened the flap, and pulled out the fuse. The effect was instant.

What? What? What? What's happening to me? You swine Kremmen. What have you done? I'm going all weird and wobbly.

Gather him up doc and let's high-tail it out of here.

Right away.

We raced back to the ship.

Once on board, I pressed the button marked "let's get out of here", and tea with two sugars, the computer did the rest.

1st stage away...2nd stage away...

Oh well captain, that's another joke packed adventure under the belt.

Yes, what are you going to do with your bionic double captain?

Well, we could melt him down and make him into one of those television tennis games.

Oh captain, you're so beefy and chunky and meaty.

Carla, you make me sound like a stew.

I leaned over her lustily.

Oh captain, I never knew it could be like this, take me.

Carla.

Yes captain.

I want you for my wife.

Why, what does she want me for?

The ship sped on into the moonlight.